


stress baking (minus the actual baking)

by speckledfeathers



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Christmas, Eddie Kaspbrak Has ADHD, Eddie Kaspbrak Has Panic Attacks, Eddie Kaspbrak Has a Bad Time, Eddie Kaspbrak Loves Richie Tozier, Eddie Kaspbrak is a Mess, Forehead Kisses, Hugs, M/M, Panic Attacks, Richie Tozier Loves Eddie Kaspbrak, Soft Richie Tozier, and this is purely a vent piece, but i tend to focus on eddie's when i write vent pieces, eddie has adhd and BAD rsd, richie has adhd too
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-26
Updated: 2020-12-26
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:22:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,778
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28333797
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/speckledfeathers/pseuds/speckledfeathers
Summary: Eddie freaks out about his first holiday party with the Losers. Richie is soft and helps him feel better.
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Comments: 6
Kudos: 74





	stress baking (minus the actual baking)

**Author's Note:**

> i tweeted: "do i suddenly want to write a vent piece about eddie having a hard time during the holidays bc of his mom and never feeling good enough or like he deserves anything and so he tries to people please but always feels like he fails no matter what he does? yeah."
> 
> and then 23 people liked the tweet. and a few people replied to it. so. i wrote it.
> 
> i will also add another tweet of mine: "fair warning it’s just gonna be [insert my own anxiety here] but make it Eddie Kaspbrak™ flavored"
> 
> did i have anyone read this over? no. did i edit this at all? barely. is it full out exposing me and my stupid holiday anxieties and my hardcore rsd symptoms? hell yeah it is.
> 
> this is a mess of emotions and idk why im posting it but! enjoy

“—whoa.” 

Richie froze after shuffling into the kitchen, curious as to why he had woken up alone on the couch a minute ago. He and Eddie had been watching TV when he passed out. And now he was witnessing the chaos that Eddie had abandoned him for.

“Eds, honey—“ He yawned, then carefully moved closer to the frantic man staring at his phone. “What’s happening here?”

“I’m reading a recipe. For the seventh time. I don’t want to miss anything.” Eddie replied robotically.

“Okay?” As Richie scanned the room he saw the fruits of Eddie’s labor— which at the moment included two different mixing bowls full of something on top of a flour dusted counter. Dirty measuring cups were scattered about and off to the side he even spotted eggshells. “Second question: why are you baking at 12:30 in the morning?”

“Is it that late already?” Eddie took half a second to check his watch and then after not registering the time, he looked back to his phone. “I just wanted to get this finished. I didn’t want to wait until tomorrow.”

Richie stood blinking and confused in the middle of the kitchen, trying and failing to follow Eddie’s thought process. “Did you sign up for a bake sale or something? Are you secretly a PTA mom?”

Eddie scowled. “That doesn’t make any sense.”

“Oh but you leaving your boyfriend to sleep on the couch alone _does_ make sense, I see how it is.” 

“I didn’t want to wake you.”

“Eddie.” Richie was more stern this time. “Seriously. What’s going on? You’re a mess. I know this because there are cracked eggshells on the counter instead of in the garbage and because you haven’t looked at me once. Something is up.”

Eddie pretended to re-read the sentence _‘Bake for 12 minutes’_ a few more times before finally setting his phone down on the counter. Richie figured he would get an earful about how there was flour stuck in the crevices later.

“The party tomorrow.” Eddie started, paused, then tried to form a coherent thought. “We’re doing gift exchanges right?”

Richie shrugged. “Yeah.”

Eddie became increasingly more uncomfortable. “—you’re gonna think I’m nuts.”

“I already think you’re nuts.” A pause. “Said with love of course, just in case that wasn’t obvious.”

“Not helping.” Eddie sighed. “Okay. Just— let me talk for a minute alright?”

Richie’s face softened and he moved to stand a bit closer, leaning against the fridge. “I’m all ears babe.”

“You and I went shopping for everyone’s gifts. I know that. I was there, I gave you input, I helped you wrap them.”

“Watching you try to wrap them was hilarious, if I may add.”

“No you may not.” Eddie locked eyes with him for a moment, trying not to be both annoyed and charmed by the look on Richie’s face. “This isn’t about my atrocious wrapping skills. Well— okay, it is a little bit. Honestly, this whole thing is just a complete mess. And I feel so out of place, I feel so... stupid—”

Richie saw the warning signs of an Eddie tangent coming, and not one of the good ones. “Whoa okay okay, slow down there.” He placed his hands on Eddie’s shoulders, trying to get him to focus a bit. “You’re all over the map right now, Eds.”

“I’m trying to say that I don’t know how to celebrate Christmas! I don’t know how!” Eddie threw his hands up between them, but Richie kept his grip. “This is.. unknown territory for me. I feel like everyone’s got it figured out except me. The whole thing about finding the perfect presents for people, about being happy and hopeful and cheery, a-about being the perfect friend and knowing what to say and what to do. I want to make people happy and I want to show them I care about them and I think I just.. I’m bad at it, Rich.”

Silence. Eddie waited for Richie to say something.

Richie smiled down at him, soft and sad. “Alright. First I just need you to breathe, okay? I’m really glad you told me all of that.”

“I sound ridiculous.” Even after Richie’s suggestion, Eddie wasn’t making an effort to breathe.

“No, Eddie. Hey— look at me.” Richie gently tipped Eddie’s chin up towards him. “You do not sound ridiculous. You know what you sound like? Someone who really, really loves his friends and who just gets a bit overwhelmed when he wants to show them how much he cares. Am I right?”

Eddie’s jaw tensed and he averted his eyes.

“You might not believe it, but I do. You’re a good friend. Are you intense? Yeah, a bit. But that’s why we love you.” Richie continued. “You’re not bad at being a good friend.”

Eddie twisted his face a bit, trying not to cry. “—okay.” 

Richie could tell Eddie didn’t believe him, but he moved on. “So, what’s with the last second baking? How does that all fit in?”

“I thought—” Eddie paused to clear his throat, shuffling his feet. “I thought making stuff to bring to the party tomorrow would make up for.. everything.”

The more Richie listened, the more his heart ached. “Make up for what? You being a little high strung?”

Eddie shrugged. “That. And because I don’t think I put in enough effort for everyone’s gifts. And because everyone will be so happy and having a good time, but I’ve been dreading this party ever since we made plans to go.”

“I— why didn’t you say anything?”

“Because it’s stupid!” Another sudden throw of his hands, and then Eddie began pacing around the kitchen. “What kind of person doesn’t like holiday parties? I feel fucked up for not looking forward to something everyone else loves! I’m messed up! Something is just very, very wrong with me because normal people _like_ having an excuse to hang out with the people they care about. And then there’s me.”

“So you were gonna go and just.. suck it up?”

“That’s exactly what I was gonna do.” Eddie pointed a finger at him from across the room to make his point. “Because I want you and the rest of our friends to have a good time. I don’t want to ruin the mood. This is our first big holiday thing as a group since.. well, everything in Derry. I can’t be the one who screws it up for the rest of you. Just because there’s no Christmas from my childhood that I remember fondly, except for maybe the one I vaguely remember when my dad was still around. Because I don’t know how to be happy and let people be nice to me and honestly? It doesn’t feel like I deserve it! I won’t let myself ruin it for you, Rich! I gotta do something to make all this a little bit better for everyone else because when we show up tomorrow I’m either going to burst into flames or I’m going to cry in the bathroom all night.”

There was that rant Richie had been afraid of. He had been hoping to avoid it altogether, to ease Eddie’s panic before it got here. But he was at least glad that all of this was out in the open now.

“Spagheds.” The nickname was said with as much as love he could put into a single word. He just needed Eddie’s attention.

“Don't call me that when I’m like this.”

“I have a lot of things to say but you need to calm down a bit before I say them.” Then Richie waited, knowing that Eddie would eventually come around. Because he always did.

A few more laps around the kitchen brought Eddie back to him.

“That brain of yours is brilliant sometimes but it is damn stubborn.” Richie started off slow and steady. “I know you, Eddie. I know how passionate you are and I know how much you care about things. About me. And the rest of the Losers. They know it, too. And we aren’t going to forget that just because you might be in a bad mood during the party tomorrow, or because you didn’t pick out the single most perfect gift on the face of the earth.”

All at once, Eddie let himself fall back into the counter and then covered his face with both hands.

Richie scooted over to face him and then put his hands on Eddie’s hips. “You still with me?”

Eddie nodded but didn’t move his hands.

“If it’ll make you feel better tomorrow I can cover for you whenever that brain of yours isn’t being so nice. Give my hand a squeeze and I’ll distract them all with a dick joke or something.”

That made Eddie scoff, his reply muffled beneath his fingers. “Like you don’t make enough of those already.”

“That’s why it’s perfect!” Richie smiled even though Eddie couldn’t see it, and then gripped him a bit tighter. “But guess what? You don’t have to be. You don’t have to be perfect tomorrow, Eds. No one has expectations of you, no one is going to be mad if you aren’t leaking Christmas spirit out of your ears. No one will be angry at you. No matter what. And you know why?”

Eddie grumbled something noncoherent.

“Because you, Eddie Kaspbrak, deserve to be loved for who you are and as you are.” Richie’s hands moved to set on top of Eddie’s, attempting to gently pry them away from his face. “And you can’t even be mad at me for saying that because it’s something you tell me all the time.”

That’s when Eddie started crying, but Richie did manage to gently coax his hands apart. It left him with the perfect opportunity to caress Eddie’s face himself. 

“Are you okay?” Richie asked after a few moments.

Eddie shook his head no. “But I will be. In a bit. In a few days maybe.”

“That’s all I care about.” Richie kissed his forehead and then they both moved in for a much needed hug. Eddie was warm against his chest and he could feel him shaking. “Wanna put the cookie dough in the fridge and clean up?”

“No! I’m still baking it all tonight.”

“Fine. I’m turning off our alarms then. You need the sleep and I can tell you won’t give this up. Compromise?”

A pause.

“Fine.”

Richie sighed. It was going to be a long night, but there were worse things than baking with the love of his life at 1:00 in the morning. He smiled, let his eyes briefly close, and then kissed the top of Eddie’s head. “Compromise it is.”


End file.
